Today it is already mid October and life continues at the pace of an unstoppable freight train, everyday is full to brimming with "stuff" it got me thinking what exactly is this "stuff" we do these days that gets us all agitated and "stressy" did we indeed have less stuff to do when we were young? Or did we manage it all a wee bit better?!
I had set aside the chore of bringing down from the loft my winter clothes to swop over with the copious amounts already making my poor clothes rails groan…
The duller palette of greys and beiges once banished with the boots to the smashingly super space of storage … The loft…. are now, once again replacing the more titillating gossamer fine threads of sparkly summer colours.. Thank goodness (I actually heard myself say) as the temperature has plummeted considerably, it’s freezing and it is actually autumn (always takes me a little time to accept!)
During my many trips up and down I was rather shocked to see the take over of the previously defined loft space with …..yes you've guessed it “stuff" I'm talking about the physical version of it this time.
Curtains which don’t fit the windows at this house but are oh so fabulous!
Spare this’s and that's and tat which would and should be used well by others. I realise my next mission will be to cleanse and clear and maybe in doing so enhance the lives of needy people who find themselves without….
During this realisation I saw a box of delight, my things from my previous life!!! My much younger self!!!
In I dived and amidst certificates, medals and precious bits I found this, my diary from….1984….
Well, the transportation back to the me of 29 years ago, aged 16 was immediate…it really struck me that with technology as it is the old fashioned " Diary " is exactly that ..old fashioned .
I devoured the pages, shocked myself at some thoughts and feelings I had and laughed my head off at some things I had written…even sharing odd silly bits with Maddie, who found it quite odd that my friend Lulu ( her God mummy) and I were mooning over boys so much!!
“But what about Daddy?" She kept saying, bless her (he probably was still in primary school!)
So, here to amuse is an excerpt from Sunday May 6th 1984
"Got up at 11 am! Amazing to have a lie in. Spots are decreasing! I really can't stop thinking about G, but I bet if I did see him I wouldn't like him so much…..I' m gonna try out a theory on someone..How to make a guy fall in ❤with you! I must try hard to be nice to every one, not too vain, not be jealous of H ..work hard but play too………"
By the way G …did end up being a boyfriend! So my theory worked…quite what it was I' m not sure I recall. I did also manage to control my feelings of envy..I guess at college you're suddenly in with ALL the students who excelled in their local dance schools and realisation kicks in that you’re no longer the best but just one of MANY great dancers…H was the long legged, long blonde haired girl who also gained a place with me at college, we were put together with our family and she became my best friend and yes, still has long legs and blonde hair!
Oh I did smile at the angst and the feelings I had documented..my worries and my wishes and hopes…amidst the early days of college life at Laine Theatre Arts, so physically demanding yet fulfilling all my dreams to Dance , Dance and Dance some more…
"I feel very down tonight, so I thought I would get rid by writing…”…..I then went on to record my feelings and the pressures I felt under and on the second page ( here) was the semblance of a list.
What an interesting read…what would be my list today at 46 I wonder..?!
Did I achieve these things?
Well, I DID get a car and independence….
As to the others… well, that " liked a lot "one ….I suppose that's still me..a weakness? Maybe! And should I really care..? Well, I do, so there!
"Wealthy and successful"…..goodness… I aimed high! Although as we know wealth and success is measured in so many ways and not necessarily in the monetary sense we think in our youth. I consider myself so fortunate.
"Better than the rest"..(Who were the rest I wonder) Mrs Competitive!
"I want to be happy"…. Well that's always important, interesting how at 19 it was I want to be happy as oppose to, I want to make others happy…..
And I smiled at the “thinner " bit……3 guesses as to that figuring on the list today!!!
Mad isn't it as there was barely any flesh on my bones….still let’s not forget I was a dancer
And…I JUST WANT TO BE ME……… Did I even know which “me" I was at that stage…
The secret and privacy that the precious diary offers surely isn't able to be replicated by 'blogs' and ' Facebook' …. I'm going to ensure Maddie has the chance to smuggle her innermost thoughts…good and bad! Into the crisp pages of a Diary….will I be able to resist the ultimate sin of reading it…..ooooooooh…. Well lets pray that she and I can talk openly together and I can be there to help her on her journey of life…she has already said she loves Nicholas, the young boy from this years X factor hopefuls and said if/ when he comes onto QVC to sing, she' s missing school and coming to work with me!!!!
Maddie has decided she wants to come to work with me (often) have my clothes and shoes, wants a coat just like my centigrade one I had on the other day, steals my nail polishes (leaves the lids off) practices her "walk" ready to model in the fashion shows….in fact, I should watch out as I celebrate my 15th year with QVC (I know, can you believe it!!!) I think Madds is grooming herself to replace me….!
I must away now and collect Tom, still doing brilliantly at Secondary school, though the joys of Secondary School year 8 .. (Attitudes and even an attempt / copy of “swearing”) are proving a challenge some days!
Joe moves on to Secondary School next and any spare time is taking up deliberating which school is right for him….aaaarrgh. Maddie meanwhile is a social butterfly and doing a fine job of being a lovely 9 year old girlie. I’ll leave you with my latest favourite picture of them… On Joe's 11th Birthday this month, I've titled it …. JOY…!
I shall see you at QVC and always be in touch if you possibly can,
I so, so love your replies back to me, always, so please if you have a moment …lets chat!