I've set out so many times to write this and the most ridiculous things have stopped me! Firstly walking to the drawer to take out my lap top charger and stepping on something soft yet spiky – the head of a blue tit which Willows thought I might enjoy!! Still makes me shudder thinking of it… worse still where the rest of it might be!
I hope you're not eating and reading this, as I did want to share with you my pet's innate ability to devour some of the tiniest creatures and yet leave a perfectly untouched heart or one claw or a pair of lungs… well that's what I'm hoping they were! The time it takes me to bone a chicken – and in truth it took so long I've only done it once – with three knives, a chopping board and a great deal of profanity, makes me wonder how, with just sharp teeth and claws, cats manage to be quite so expert. And why is it that hulking great men like Sam and Colin are rendered gibbering wrecks when faced with the carnage?
Just a ploy to get out of wrapping in kitchen roll and flushing the remains? That's my favoured way of getting shot, but it only works on small things – as I found to my cost when the washing machine repair man asked to use the loo the other week, and returned to his work a rather unflattering shade of grey. The headless vole I'd flushed just minutes before he arrived, was still in the pan. Hey ho…
Well it was a busy week at QVC Towers with so many of my friends stuck at home in the snow, and so I stayed in town and was safely ferried backwards and forwards by cab rather than risking the roads myself. I have to admit my initial journey into London down the M1 was terrifying!
My little car and I seemed fine until we got to Junction 5 and then her wheels stopped turning and we sort of slid, mercifully in a straight line as I had no control over the steering, for what felt like miles. I was in the slow lane thank heavens but these huge great lorries kept thundering past me and I was certain I was going to glide into their path! I finally arrived at work some time later with a neck like a coiled spring and more lines on my face than I was given for breaking wind in class!
And then static struck…
We've not a had a great deal more snow since then, but it's stayed really cold, and this has brought about another peculiar side effect… static! My hair is invariably vertical unless sprayed into place (think Bridget Jones after riding in a sports car with Hugh Grant) and on Saturday night when I was on with the Kipling TSV, I was having a nightmare with the dress I was wearing! It was a two-layer jersey affair with a little chiffon overskirt, and talk about cling! It was all over me like a rash!
Luckily my first hour with Gatineau was seated, but obviously when I was standing the problem was apparent, my hem line a good foot shorter than it should have been and the outline of my backside looking like two boys fighting under a blanket! As we were continually walking from one part of the studio to another, I lost count of the times I was self-consciously pulling at my hem, but the more I pulled the worse it got.
Now Ceri - who does a sterling job backstage and on the floor bringing us all the products – sprayed the fabric with hairspray after our Wendy (also backstage and also doing a marv job) suggested it. I'm not sure Dennis from Ojon would have been too happy to have seen it used this way, but needs must.
Anyways, whether it was the denseness of my denier tights or the warmth of my body I have no idea, but it really didn't solve the problem, and so I am asking you ALL, if you have any remedies to get rid of static? With the exception of walking around with a piece of chain hanging out from under my skirt (as they do with cars) I'm happy to try anything.
In fact the photo this week is pretty reminiscent of the outline of my outfit, but I thought you might like to exercise your imaginations a little further and see if you can guess which party game was taking place when this was taken!!
Have a great week and I'll look forward to hearing your suggestions – on both!
Love Ali xx