Something is causing a stir around QVC Towers. Not for the right reasons either. Everywhere I go, I’m told I need to sort it out, to do something about it; surely I can’t let this intolerable situation carry on. It’s ludicrous. It’s insane. It’s embarrassing.
It’s my bag. My poor old, sad, trusty bag – maligned from every corner of the building; from the office to backstage (thankfully it hasn’t made it on set at all, that really would be the end). You see, my bag is falling apart and so - I’m told pretty much on a daily, if not hourly basis – I need to do something about it.
In my pre-QVC days that something would most probably have entailed a high street trip to bag (Get it? Sorry) the cheapest thing going, but that would just mean a similar frayed tatty object staring back at me in a few months time. That’s if I’m lucky.
To stop that happening it’s time – and a very exciting time at that – to peruse the extensive range of bags we sell here at QVC. It’s a dazzling list of star-studded brands (some are quite literally studded with stars too). The problem, and what a problem to have, is actually that there is so much choice. Am I a Tignanello girl (can I even pronounce it?), would Kipling be more my thing, or could I really stop marvelling at Lulu Guinness bags and actually own one myself?
It’s created a feeling of inertia. I’ve frozen. Wracked with indecision and not knowing which zip to open which pocket to turn to I’ve simply got, what I’m going to label right now as ‘bag-lag.’ I have, don’t laugh, I’ve got ‘bag-lag’ and I’m suddenly unable to make a choice. I’m salivating over the bags I’m selling on air – and yet strangely unable to realise which one I need in my life.
So, always a geek in a time of crisis (ok, crisis may be a bit strong, but I’m sure many a fashionista would regard my current crunkled, crinckled sorry state of a bag and sum up the situation with that word). I’ve decided to do some research – to help me sort out my straps from my feet and my satchels from my suitcases.
You’ll be pleased to know (I was) that there is a whole realm of bag psychology out there. It’s called ‘bagology.’ You think I’m making that up! Go on line, Google-ate it yourself, you’ll see that I’m not. It was coined in a 1940’s newspaper article on handbags that attempted to explain the science to men. QVC’s own Julian Ballantyne will be pleased; he loves a bit of the ‘ology himself - don’t we all. Anyway, bagology will tell you – that the bag a woman carries tell you a lot about her.
Oh dear. So I’m wrinkled and frayed, slightly dejected, old before my time and I have lots of old receipts floating around inside me. I’d much rather be smart, fashionable, organised, glossy and alluring. Not to mention sexy and sassy if that’s an option too. Ok, so I’m already a step closer to knowing what I’m looking for.
A bit more research and I learn that not only is my bag a key part of me because it’s how I carry my life around and it holds all my secrets, but it’s also a crucial part of how I make the most of my figure. Kathryn Eisman, author of ‘How To Tell A Woman By Her Handbag,’ says I need to choose my bag shape according to my body type.
So, if I had large breasts (some chance, can only dream) I’d pick a short strap so that I could hold the bag close to my chest and use it as a cover up, if I have a bigger derriere (now we’re talking) carrying my bag lower down will make sure it sticks out more than my tush and therefore distracts from a shapely behind. I never knew the phrase ‘does my bum look big in this’ could apply to my handbag as well as my trousers!! So much to learn.
Kathryn Eisman also says I need to leave ‘room for myself’ in my bag – so any formalities and paper work, bills etc. would be stowed around the edge, while I leave the central compartment for the things that I hold dear. That’ll be lip-glosses and biros then. I also need plenty of in-flight entertainment in case I get stuck anywhere, on the bus or waiting for friends, that means a book to read, a pad to scribble on, snacks… that kind of thing.
So it becomes increasingly obvious that I’m looking for something reasonably capacious. Fortunately I’m reading that the trend is towards over-sized bags at the moment. It’s a look that was actually pioneered by the First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt who was one of the first to buck the trend that it was lady-like to carry out nothing more than a lace ‘kerchief and a bottle of smelling salts.
If you have a life you have things you need as an adjunct to it and, of course, living in this country I’ll also want to make sure there’s room for an umbrella and a pair of gloves too. So, I think all this is helping and my ‘bag-lag’ will soon be a thing of the past. Cue collective sigh of relief from everyone around QVC Towers!
You could help too actually, I’d be interested to know what you look for in a bag – how you decide and pick your way through all the choices out there. Also, what’s the one thing you always carry around and cannot, cannot do without? For me it’s obviously a toss up between the lip-gloss and the biro!
See you soon, by which time I’ll be much more of a bag-lady… hmm, perhaps I ought to re-phrase that…