Earlier this year, in one of the comment sections below one of my blogs, a lovely lady called Suzanne asked me if I would do one on coping with mid life. She said, “so many ladies get traded in for a younger model, and being single when you’re slightly older, isn’t as easy as it was in your 20’s and 30’s. I’d be interested on your thoughts on how you went about this transition in your life and how you got your head around things”.
So, I figured approaching New Year was the perfect time to discuss this as I reckon that this is a good time for a little bit of life assessment. When it comes to relationships, they are rarely straight forwards and being married for a second time has a number of challenges that I never saw coming, particularly with four children in the mix. It makes for a wonderful concoction but believe me, it’s not plain sailing and I would say that I’m still working out the transition so I will do my best at sharing the things that I have found helpful….
I think with so many self help books around these days we can fall into the trap of being overly concerned with ourselves and where we are at, “naval gazing” as I have heard it referred to. Whilst I put great importance in the value of self-awareness, I think maintaining the balance is vital and having the ability to look up and out at the world around us enables us to maintain perspective rather than become overwhelmed by our situation.
There is so much need on our own doorstep, whether it is helping a friend, a neighbour, or getting involved with local charity groups. Giving time to enrich someone else’s life always helps to put things into perspective and helps us be glad for what we have. As they say, it’s better to want what you have rather than to have what you want. Not only that, you could always tell yourself that it could be worse ….which as glib as it sounds, it could.
I read not long ago that often time feels as though it’s going quicker as we get older because we aren’t injecting anything new into our lives. So whilst managing the transitions of life, I have found that taking up a new hobby or activity allows us to experience the newness of our new era. Maybe take up a sport or learn a new skill or language, explore cookery books, just change things up a bit and do something that offers a bit of change and a challenge. For me, when I turned 40 I decided to finally take up riding as owning a horse was something I had always longed for since childhood.
Just over three years later, (earlier in 2016) I got my first horse Beth, and I have to say I have found the entire process to be wildly exhilarating, challenging and everything in between. I can honestly say that having her in my life has massively added to my sense of happiness and fulfilment. Now, I’m not suggesting everyone goes out and leaps on the back of a horse, but perhaps you could join a choir, or the WI, the golf club, a book club, or a walking or crafting group.
It could be anything as long as it puts a smile on your face and makes you feel good from the inside out! (and if you meet new people along the way, it’s an added bonus!) 😉
Goodness me we’ve all made them haven’t we? I know this is easier said than done, however I do find that when it comes to managing disappointments which inevitably build up over the years, that it does help to keep facing forwards rather than dwelling on what could have been. In Dory’s words “just keep swimming, swimming, swimming”.
I heard once that the Chinese consider beauty in imperfection, rather than in perfection which I found a really helpful image. If we could only be a little kinder to ourselves and a little more ok with life being a bit messy, we would feel so much freer to embrace the moment and live for the future.
Odds are that if we don’t make mistakes, we’re not really living, we are just sheltering ourselves from them just in case and I don’t think any of us will be happy about that once we get to the end of the road. So just get on with living and if you fall down, just pick yourself up and keep on going!
Eat well, sleep well and spend time with those you love. These are basic human needs that so often get overlooked with the busy nature of life, now more than ever. We need sleep or we just can’t function. We need to eat well or our bodies struggle to be at their best. And without sharing the love with those around us, be it family or friends, then quite honestly, what is the point?
Our family has made a pact for 2017, that we will make no plans other than fun social things to do together on Sundays and no phones will be allowed! #bringbackSundayisforfamily
It doesn’t have to be expensive however, doing the same thing with your hair and make up year after year after year can really drag you down. The same goes for our wardrobe. Just make little tweaks here and there to modernise your look and help you feel on top of things rather than racing to catch up.
It certainly doesn’t have to cost a fortune, it can be a slight change to where on your eye you put your eyeliner, or a different shade of lipstick, changing the way you tie your scarf or wear your hair. Remember that we can often influence how we feel by how we look.
So if you move your look along, then it helps you feel more as though you are alive in the moment, whereas if you look stuck 20 years ago, each time you look in the mirror, you are taken back to those years and you will often find yourself focussed on the past rather than the present.
So Suzanne, I hope I sort of answered your question?! Each of these points could be a blog in themselves and I am sure I could come up with more but I think these are handful enough for us to take into 2017 so that it becomes a year of positivity and change for us all. Our lives belong to us and only we can set the tone.
So thanks for another great year at QVC, I’ve loved all the laughs we’ve had on air and via social media.
Here’s to many more ….
Much love as always